Co-parenting is not an easy task to do. Coordinating schedules, divvying up holidays, and shuffling kids between houses can be overwhelming. The Provo Divorce Lawyers offer these tips for making co-parenting work for you, your kids, and your ex.
Rule #1 Don’t Badmouth
Even though you and your ex might not like each other, you can’t let your child see that. Your child will react to what you say about your ex and might even start to see them that way. All in all, keep your feelings of resentment to yourself.
Rule #2 Put Your Kids First
As a parent going through the divorce, you are likely going through an emotional rollercoaster, and it can sometimes be hard to see that your children are as well. You need to remember that in order to make co-parenting work, you need to do what is best for your child.
Rule #3 Choose A Custody Agreement Together
Take the following into consideration when choosing a custody arrangement:
- Your children’s ages and personalities
- Each of your family schedules
- Career of each parent
- Extracurricular activities of the children
- Child-care arrangements
Rule #4 A Bad Spouse Doesn’t Equal A Bad Parent
Just because your spouse didn’t end up being the best husband or wife, doesn’t mean they will also turn out to be a bad parent to your children. Children have the best shot in life when they are raised by both of their parents.
Rule #5 Communicate Effectively
Communication is key in tough situations like co-parenting. Find the best mode of communication that works for the both of you; whether it is through emails, texting, Google calendars, or in person.
You also need to learn how to communicate through your disagreements. It is inevitable that each of you will have different thoughts about how you should raise your children. Learn to pick your battles and only fight about things that are really worth fighting for.
Rule #6 Let Your Child Be Involved
Your child needs to know that their feelings, thoughts, and input are heard. Allow them to communicate openly with each parent. Depending on their age let them be involved in certain decisions like which toys to take to which house.
Divorce will affect your children more than you could ever know. Knowing about these effects beforehand will help you counter those effects and help your child through that difficult time.
With all the changes that happen during a divorce, stress and anxiety becomes inevitable for children. Because of this, it might cause the child to become anxious in their future relationships. Help your child see that not all relationships end in divorce and try to avoid divorce-related discussions in front of them.
When a divorce ends because of betrayal, it can cause a child to experience trust issues in their own future relationships. If your divorce ended because of a betrayal, explain it sensitively to your child.
It is common in children who experience their parent’s divorce to be shy and self-conscious.
When a child witnesses their parents splitting, it can be a traumatic situation. This can cause a child to develop a pessimistic attitude towards life and relationships.
Our Provo Divorce Lawyer Experts have said that if you and your ex treat each other with respect and maintain a good relationship, it will help your child in their future relationships to know that disagreements don’t always have to lead to an end of a relationship.
If you have adopted kids, or are thinking about it, this post is going to be of great worth to you. Sometimes you can come up short with what to say and what not to say in new situations like this. Below are a list of don’ts for adoptive parents created by our Provo Adoption Lawyers.
Don’t mention how ‘different’ your adopted child looks from the rest of your family. It is pretty normal for people to point out physical similarities between each other. However, this can cause an adopted child to feel left out, so do your best to keep talk about physical traits to a minimum.
Don’t keep secrets. Having your children know they are adopted early on is the best method. No good will come from keeping it a secret. There will never be “the perfect time” so just tell them immediately.
Don’t give them special treatment. Just because your child is adopted, doesn’t mean they are any different than your biological children (if you have any.) Treating them differently will make them feel different and sometimes even resentful.
Don’t keep adoption records from them. Even though you were the parents that raised your child, they can still feel like there is another part of them out there that they need to know about. Don’t hide this from them, or they might be resentful. People want to know where they come from, so let them.
In the end, just treat them like they aren’t adopted. However, when anything related to adoption comes up, talk about it openly and freely. Don’t ever make them feel like they can’t talk to you about it.
Preparing to adopt is a fun an overwhelming time. It can be a long journey for you and your family. The Provo Adoption Lawyers have come up with the key strategies to follow to help you and your family through the adoption process.
The adoption process can take a lot longer than you want. The best thing to do during this time is to keep yourself busing with things you can’t do once your new baby or child is there. Also, get your home as ready as you can and stock up your food pantry and medicine cabinet. Enjoy the present, and don’t let the anticipation take away from the here and now.
Find Out About Your Childs Previous Life
Talk to foster parents, orphanage directors, and if possible, your child’s birth parents to learn what their life has been like so far. Learn what their routines are, their favorite toys, and so forth. Your child is going to be in a new environment, so these things will help them feel safe and comfortable.
Keep Their Room Simple
It can be easy to get excited about decorating their room, and overdo it. However, you don’t want them to be overwhelmed, you want their new room to calm them. Babies and children who have lived in orphanages are use to sleeping a room with lots of other children. Don’t expect them to sleep fine by themselves. They may need help and may need to sleep in your room until they are comfortable.
Expect an Evolving Relationship With Birth Parents
If you have an open relationship with your child’s birth parents, be prepared that it will most likely change. Be sensitive to the birth parents might be going through; it is a change for them as well.
Have you ever been at a lack of words when you are talking to a friend going through a divorce? It can be tough to know what to say, especially if you have never gone through one yourself. It never is easy to come up with the right words, but the Provo Divorce Lawyers have come up with a list of things you can say to help them and ease the tension.
Can I be your plus 1?
In a marriage, you most always have a built-in plus 1 to every outing and event. It can be a tough change after divorce to no longer have that support center. It will mean the world to your friend to let them know they are not alone.
Sometimes when a person is going through a tough time, having people around them be constantly positive can get on their nerves. Sometimes people in this situation just wants to know that you understand how much the situation sucks. Be real with your friend, they will appreciate it.
I’ve got your back
Probably one of the most important things you can do is to let your friend know that you have their back. Make sure you let them know, through your words and actions, that you are on their side, no matter what.
How can I help you?
Going through a divorce can be overwhelming. With one less pair of hands around the house, there are so many things to do that important things will slip through the cracks. Helping your friend with errands, cooking, babysitting, etc. will mean more to them than you know.
Mediation Advice From Our Spanish Fork Divorce Attorneys
The road that leads to a decision to divorce can be difficult and complex. Once you have decided though, you should get a detailed plan together to help you transition to the next chapter in your life.
Mediation can help.
The purpose of mediation is to help reach an agreement that works for both sides. Without mediation, you could end up spending a lot of money and time that could have been saved by mediation in the first place.
Here are five pieces of advice from our Spanish Fork Divorce Attorneys to help you and your spouse prepare for mediation.
1. Agree to mediation. Agreeing to mediation does not mean that you and your spouse have to be buddy-buddy. Whether you do it in person, via texting, email or over the phone, you and your spouse need to go over the pros and cons of mediation. In order for it to work effectively, both spouse have to want to be there.
2. Get organized and informed. The mediator won’t be able to help you unless you know of everything you have. Make lists of all of your assets and possessions, regardless of whether the item is thought to be yours or your spouses.
3. Set goals. Once you know what you have, you need to decide what you want to do with it. This process can be tough, because you have to decide what you want, and what you can live without. Before you negotiate, you should make a list of terms - things you want, things you don’t want, and things you will not walk away without.
4. Put your kids first. One thing you need to make clear during this time is that even though you will no longer be married, you will still continue to be parents to you children. Most family-mediators will help you build conflict resolution skills so that post-mediation, you can co-parent effectively.